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CAESAR

by Stephen Zinda

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1.
Ambivalence 01:23
Ambivalence cause my heart is gone Ambivalence to this fraud Ambivalence is my friend in harm Ambivalence to your spawn Ambivalence blanked my heart and said "let's hurry up'n do some drugs" Then its said "stay clean you bum, replace that crutch with love" How about I do what I want but, I don't wanna do what I want, ok? Maybe I'll take a rope and hang or Maybe just nap all day Am I steady? All the time Let's make some money and live our life Am I steady? Never, never I don't know if we're meant to stay together Ambivalence, marriage, wedding carriage, arguments, and pain Ambivalence, love you, hate you, just want you to go away Ambivalence to the things I've done, ambivalent to my blood
2.
I'm not one to lay in bed But when I do I feel I'm dead Lemme pretend I'm dead Many gauges What's the bravest All at once? Lay down the papers Light me up Just not the face Pretty little baby, my momma says My pretty little baby, my momma's babe It's her fault she says Pretty little baby, gone and take Why did he take? Let me hear applause Cause sometimes I lay in bed When I do pretend I'm dead The world is blanked after I came Fire reigns, there's me with wings A throne I seat Pretty little fire at the lake Pretty little fire burned away Pretty little fire burning me Burning me and all of you Take away
3.
Dopamine 02:53
Dopamine, oh dopamine When your levels high I'm in a scene From a movie most serene Where I'm the king of everything And no one's needs are going to bother me Dopamine, oh dopamine When you're low I'll be drinking Thinking 'bout my shortcomings and Why I pushed everyone from me Dopamine, oh dopamine Right as rain or staring blank Needed you to help us laze Now we're mad and pills have filled your space Dopamine, oh dopamine When you're low I'll crush your face We'll get into a stupid argument about nothing And I'll tell you I'm gonna cut your fucking head off And ship it to your mom
4.
Caesar 03:25
Lie about the booze Lie about the bruise Lie to me, for me Your Caesar Do you pray to me under moon? Will you curse my name as a loving muse? Does your sun and moon rise around me? So hide some, take some Safe from my reign, my pain Unchained from me Your Caesar Did your will bend because I'm cruel? Can you truly say what you want to do? I'm am nothing without you and me Nothing I'll take love born true and twist to a barbed tool You'll sing, you'll break, for me Your Caesar
5.
Gone 00:56
Gone, yes oh so gone If I had money, oh I'd be gone
6.
Carrion 03:24
With Ate by his side come hot from hell Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war That this foul deed shall smell above the earth With carrion men, groaning for burial The birds eat the carrion The wolves eat the carrion But who made this carrion? The Merriman And who made the Merriman? The carrion Let's have a seance and invite things to be frightening And show how they wound up as nightlings Give rest to their souls Embattled since eyes closed Crossing to and fro to end their woes
7.
Accused, recite the sermon "See she can't, girls a demon" Holy words can't come from tongue of heathens Please stand, plead your reason "I repent, I'm a child of Jesus" Truths twist, loose lips, sink ships "That bitch told me she had a friend With the means to and end, so cut my wrists Took my blood, paid me rich, burn the witch" Come down to the lake Help us prepare the stake Grab binds and some sheets Bring wood and some ink Come down and we'll purify her I can not offer alone We never gave up enough That's how this evil took up in our homes We've had enough of this We stand true If you won't admit this proof Your peers, they condemn you
8.
Tell me your lies went through to me same as they to you 'Cause I can not take more of this Hit with the same scent Said them with instant (regret) I can not take more From blemish to eyesore Feel far suns, pained love, cold touch Just my luck, strung on, for what? Tell me you know I see through Missing a minute then two I do not want to go through this Tell me you're speaking the truth All of it breaks down when viewed Gray water's not murky as you Tell me you know this is cruel Only you can save you It's something I can not do So, you want a family? I don't believe you You know it's at home waiting on you You know it's not the working hours Fancy dinners, vacations, or random flowers Feel far suns Though their warmth is soft, the closer we run, the warmer we become
9.
Captor 04:59
My love, I've trapped you, sincerely Like a songbird, I keep you and care for you needlessly But sometimes I think you'd be happier outside You would find a lover You would see leaves green turn brown, then white You would find a struggle, we all need a struggle My love, I've trapped you, sincerely I'm a bastard but I want you to see clearly If you stay here I want it honestly I am your captor Can you show me honest love? I am your captor I leave this cage open so you can run My love, I set you free, sincerely Sometimes I hear you sing in passing Only in passing I see you're happier outside You will find a lover You will see leaves green turn brown, then white You will find a struggle We all need a struggle, not a captor Can you show me honest love? I think that's what I was after How I became a captor
10.
Bandages 03:58
You're in a dream, you can't shake young ways You claim you'll change The plans we made are broke and sideways No kids, just rent Every week it's the same thing "I got to talking at work and someone needs a ride I didn't have anything to drink I am not acting strange Maybe I had one, sorry I lied" And this is why we always wind up in bandages Then we turn around and heal each other With how many times we've been through this It's amazing we haven't killed each other You lie about something you did I call you out and you get quiet We keep winding up in bandages Then we turn around and heal each other I have turned into something sick I used to be proud of me But taking hits and doing stupid shit I seeped through, down to you I feel I've tried everything I'd say you should change back, but it won't have the same ring Talking more terminally we tip You've proven you will not show up And I just decided I don't want this

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released February 5, 2020

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Stephen Zinda Wichita, Kansas

Harebrained musical genre hopper

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